Texanation

Viagra.  Cialis.  Based upon the sheer volume of television, radio, print and email messages we see per day for ED-related products, I have to wonder:  Is there a man left in America with a zucchini rather than a wet noodle?  Seriously, these drug producers spend more on advertising than insurance companies. (Which, by the way, you want to save me money on my rates, cut the marketing budget by 98-percent.) Anyway, back on point, some ED-meds claim to work as fast Minute Rice, others like a stiffening a roux and a few that last all day, like a roast in the crock pot.

According to the first bunch, when you’re ready for a little spicy salsa action in the bedroom, you pop a pill and – sproing! – your souffle has risen. This makes me wonder what would happen if you got them mixed up with your diet pills and took one before every meal.  You would go through the day both horny and hungry.

What deeply concerns me are the side effects.  Since drug companies are forced to list all possible side effects in their commercials, the ED folks have to tell us that taking the medications can lead to sleepiness, nervousness, itching, scratching, belching, stroke, anigina, heart failure, limbs falling off and maybe even death.  Do not operate any heavy equipment while on this medication.

Yeah, especially a steam press.  Or a zipper.

And what’s this with an erection lasting four hours?  After ten minutes of makin’ bacon, a man’s ready to roll over and go to sleep.   Three hours and fifty minutes of what?  Ring toss?

In summary, I have to say I’m seriously concerned about the fruit in the loom of modern America.  If we have this much trouble growing bananas, how will we ever compete with the Third World countries, who seem to have avoided this growing problem?  I have an idea.  Let’s start exporting around the world a product that is guaranteed to kill any erection with extreme predjudice.

Oh, we have.

Sorry, I forgot about Hillary Clinton.

So long for now.  Headed to the kitchen.  For some reason, I’m hungry.