Spring is Coming. Don’t Look

Posted: February 8, 2015 in General Topics of Interest

Moderate temperatures outside make me think of Spring, which makes me think of jumping into my grand plan for the masterpiece of an outdoor living experience I intend to create.  That’s what they call it now: an outdoor living experience.  We used to call it a backyard.

Thinking about my backyard—sorry BLE—starts me down the road of planning the rock-walled, paved patio I intend to build, complete with brick BBQ pit, waterfall, and wading pool.  Well, okay, maybe not a wading pool…unless you have exceptionally small feet.

This kind of dreaming requires a trip to Home Depot.

Yes, I can use that rock, and that pump, and that $4,000 concrete mixer, and if I use some of those PVC pipes and re-route the home’s plumbing system, I can get the fountain to spray sixty feet into the air, and wouldn’t some colored lights look good with that?

Plan achieved, parts list written, I return home and map out the new BLE, my mind’s eye blocking out the cracked concrete patio and picturing instead a natural flagstone foot paradise.  Yes, this will be the ultimate backyard.  I will crush the neighbors’ puny efforts at BLE’s and they will bow down to me!

First I have to build a shed to get all my stuff off the patio in preparation for demolition.  To build a shed, I need to fix the Leaning Fence of Decayed Wood.  So, fence first, followed by shed second, and then it’s on to the crushing the neighbors.

Another trip to Home Depot.

Reality sinks in and I find I can’t pay the Midas-fortune in gold required to procure steel and lumber to fix the fence.  All BLE plans are suspended pending fencing fixes.

If I can’t work on the fence, what can I do instead?

Plants!  I can kill some plants!  What can I kill this year?  Last year I killed an Oleander, and some dianthus.  I tried to kill some no-name flowers, but they hung grimly on through the summer, not dying, but not blooming either.  I killed a few potted plants, and—accidentally—a weed that I thought was a plant.

I sit back and mentally picture the hours of digging, planting, feeding, watering, and nurturing that will be required to kill plants in the upcoming months.  Why, I could commit plant genocide beginning in March if I really wanted.  In fact, I could go see what plants are ready to die right now.

Sounds like a trip to Home Depot!

I love Spring.

  1. ljmcdowall says:

    Thank you for this delicious link, Scott, to the art of Manly Men Doing Manly Things In Texas. I laugheed my arse off. 😀


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