Texanation

As legally grown and consumed marijuana becomes more mainstream, I’m picturing a company that will one day join the ranks of the Fortune 500. What would it be like working for a big company whose product is the growth, harvesting, packaging, distribution, and sale of marijuana? Can you picture it?

Board Meetings

CEO: Dude…

CFO: What…?

CEO: Dude…

Chairman: (snorts) Wow.

Logistics

“Hey, Larry, we gotta problem.”

“S’up?”

“We sent a metric ton of Sensamilla to Little Rock, and they ordered Tijuana Gold.”

“Send ‘em an RMA number.  They can return it.”

“Can’t. Their warehouse burned down and the whole town’s stoned.”

Sales

“Fourth quarter’s looking kinda bleak, what with Weed-B-Good slashing prices on their premium buds. We’ll need to get out there and aggressively encourage our dealers to hit the streets—“

“Bad word choice, boss.”

“Right, sorry. Dan, how’s the grocery channel looking?”

“Well, Safeway remains steady, but Sprouts and Natural Grocers are moving all their purchases to non-GMO weed.”

“Marketing?”

“We have a C-store special in April. Buy our Potent Power Packed Pot and get an extra-large Doritos for free.”

“Munchie marketing. I love it.”

Legal

“Today a class-action suit was filed against us for not printing a warning on our packages that consumption of this product might lead to watching six hours of Cartoon Network and forgetting where you left your house…”

The future, my friends,  looks very strange.