Update: Another year has rolled by and nobody has taken me up on my suggestions for renaming Columbus Day. I’m thinking maybe I made the choices too long to roll off the tongue, so here are some modifications:
We’re Not French Day
Lost Italian Day
I Love Being American DayWho’s with me?
It turns out the history I learned in second grade was wrong.
Those of us born in the barbaric age of black & white TV learned Columbus discovered America, which allowed the migration of freedom-loving, intrepid people of all races the opportunity to establish the greatest nation on Earth, a nation that has provided the greatest economic bounty and personal freedom to people from every social class. Later, these hard-working and diligent people created the game of baseball from the insanity that was cricket, thus bringing peace and tranquility to many afternoons.
According to those folks 35 and younger, who learned history in the more enlightened times—post 1990, that is—Christopher Columbus discovered America, handed the indigenous people smallpox-laden blankets, stole their land, raped their women, and allowed white Europeans the opportunity to destroy the noble, animistic, peace-loving culture of the quote-unquote Native Americans. Later, these same greedy white men invented…
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Texanation 