The newest edition of the Marketing handbook just came out. It says, in order to successfully retain customers, act like you give a shit. And the marketing department read the book, and found it good. They have spread the word of the book thus:
- Buy groceries, get a survey.
- Buy hardware, get a survey.
- Buy a car, get a survey.
- Go to the mall, duck the survey taker.
- Call the cable company, get a survey.
- Use a technical help line, get a survey.
- Pause for an instant on a website, and a popup asks if you want a survey.
- Rent a car, get a survey.
- Stay in a hotel, get a survey.
- Fly on a plane … No, nothing there. At least the airlines are honest about not giving a shit what you think.
And the people find it … annoying as a kid with a drum kit. The never. Ending. Pounding. Of the SURVEY. On a scale of 1-to-10, rate how much you like taking surveys: Minus Infinity times ten to 50th power. Stick that up your survey.
I applied for a job. Didn’t get the job. They sent me a survey asking me to rate my job application experience. Really? Are you kidding me? You didn’t hire me, you dumb shits, how do you think I feel about the experience?
What happens to all these surveys? Since the only time you fill one out is when you’re so angry at the company or service, little crumbs of teeth fall from your mouth, the results of these polls should indicate that maybe (just maybe) the customer service experience should be improved. Has it? Call for cable service, see how much that’s improved.
Just do your job, people. When you flop, expect that you’ll hear about it. Stop asking me for an opinion that you’ll promptly ignore. Be honest about your disregard for customer service and keep sending my call to a guy in India.
If you liked this post, please kindly fill out my survey…