There’s a Lizard in My Pantry

Posted: June 6, 2011 in General Topics of Interest

Anybody ever seen a gecko?  I don’t mean like that cute little Limey lizard that sells insurance, I mean the spotted lizard that infests the North Texas region.  Most of the time, I find them charming and I enjoy endless hours watching the cats paw at the glass when they wriggle across the outside of the window.

In the first of my series about What Would John Wayne Do, I will have to confess that I didn’t find the harmless, tiny, baby gecko in the bag of potatoes to be charming at all.  Especially when I reached for a potato and he skittered across my thumb.  This was yet another opportunity for me to laugh in the face of danger and casually capture the little critter and take him outside to cavort with his lizard buddies and play ‘Torment the Cat’ games.

Instead, I shrieked like a girl and tossed spuds in a big potato fountain throughout the kitchen.  Luckily, I caught myself before jumping on the table and raising my skirt to my waist and dancing a little Riverdance jig on the lizard’s head.

Once recovered, I thought:  What would John Wayne do?  So I loaded my .45 and shot holes throughout my pantry, on a rampage of lizard destruction.  The gecko lived, but my pantry is cross-ventilated now, and my potatoes have these metal chunky bits in them.  Dignity saved at the cost of some spackle.

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Comments
  1. Erik F says:

    I’m so proud of you for cross ventilating your pantry. However, you seem to be taking baby steps toward the John Wayne way of doing things. After all, John Wayne, in “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”, got drunk and burned his house down when a gecko crossed him.

    Like

  2. This is great. But now I’m wondering what Steve McQueen would do.

    Like

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