Texanation

I’m just gonna lay it out there.  Which one of you dumb bunnies left the door open and let Trump in?  And how come that fucking clown—pardon my language, but there’s no other adjective that works—is getting the majority of the votes in my (once) logical and intelligent Republican Party?  And what’s happened to Ann Coulter?  She’s gone total whack job nutso loco over DJT?  A woman with an IQ bigger than the national debt has lost her mind over Mexican crooks running loose on our streets and thinks Trump’s Wall is the answer.  What? The? Hell?

The GOP is gonna Thelma and Louise itself this election.  We got us a Trump, we got us a Marco “Bring ‘Em Over” Rubio, we got us a lovable Teddy Cruz, and we even have a Doctor Ben, who believes the Rapture is imminent and he for one is gonna be ready to go.  And let us don’t forget that ball o’ fire Johnny Kasich.  He just lights up the stage, now don’t he?

But why should I be surprised?  We’ve been on a crash dive to Stupidville since “Read My Lips” turned into “Spread Your Hips”.

Allow me to illustriate my point:

Affordable Healthcare Act.  GOP failed—repeatedly—to stop it at its passage.  Then failed to stop it by cutting off the money.  Despite a majority in Congress, and the overwhelming will of the people, the Republicans have failed to repeal it every single chance they’ve gotten.

TARP.  GOP allowed it.  Shovel-ready projects to move mounds of crap down our throats and money out of our pockets.

Trans-Pacific Trade Deal.  GOP failed to stop it.  Half of our Senators probably have notes out to the Chinese.  Have to keep the lenders happy, right?

Executive Order Ending Deportation of Illegal Aliens.  Republicans said, “WTF just happened?  Hey, he can’t do that!  It’s not fair, I’m tellin’ Mommy.”

Omnibus Spending Bill.  They loved it.  Let’s have us some more spending.  Thank you, Paul Ryan and John Cornyn.

Planned Parenthood.  Whether you support Planned Parenthood or not, the GOP made all this noise about cutting off the money, then when it came to nut-crunching time, slunk away into the corner and cried.  They showed all the guts of a dead cat.

Two-Year Budget Deal.  Republicans gotta have us somma dat free money, too.  Can’t let the Dems eat all the pork.

Iranian Nuclear Weapon Free Zone.  “Well,” says John McCain, “Senate cain’t do nuttin’ bout a treaty, now can we?”  Yes, John, the Senate is obliged to ratify all treaties.  Read that danged ol’ Constitution, boy.

Apparently, many believe the answer to feckless Republicans in Congress is to elect a buffoon to drive the clown car.  For those idgits, well, (in Bill Engvall voice) here’s your sign:

Damn, I’d vote Democrat if they gave me a halfway decent choice.  No, their answer is a lying, amoral witch, or a former hippie with the economic policies of a twelve year old.  After hearing the Bernie and Hillary supporters speak, I’ve given up on the Democrats ever coming back from the Land of Make Believe in which they live.  What the hell did we do to deserve this?  Where are the Teddy Roosevelts and the John Kennedys and the Ronald Reagans?  Where’s Condoleeza Rice and why can’t we get her to run for office?

All I can tell my kids is this:  Stock up on food, ammo, and bottled water.  The Zombie Apocalypse is coming, but it ain’t dead people rising gonna to eat your brains, it’s the Walking Dead Republicans who’ve already lost theirs and are coming for yours.